I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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