actually, I'm a sock model
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
