I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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