he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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