I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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