Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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