Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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