I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
