the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Randomize
