good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
