Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
