hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
