she smelled like a LAN party
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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