I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize