I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
