dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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