How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
