the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
