i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he thought i was a dude.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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