There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
