somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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