This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
