you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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