trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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