she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
