If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
