please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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