Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
