I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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