I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
