i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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