can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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