I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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