PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
