dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
