Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Drunk is a universal language darling
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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