My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
