I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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