Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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