look no pants
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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