Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
