omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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