Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
