Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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