i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
