I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
