i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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