there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
