You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
