I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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