Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
