Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
