Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
