Christians are straight up FREAKS
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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