I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
